Delusions of Grandeur – Illusions of Love

 

Question:

If narcissists love themselves and are so self-centered, why do they have all these self-destructive and self-defeating behaviors?  Isn’t it a contradiction?

 

Answer:

There are two important differences between healthy self-love and malignant narcissism:

(a) in the ability to tell reality from fantasy, and (b) in the ability to empathise and, indeed, to fully and maturely love others. As we said, the narcissist possesses no self-love. It is because he has very little True Self to love. Instead, a monstrous, malignant construct – the False Self – encroaches upon his True Self and devours it.

The narcissist loves an image which he projects unto others and which is affirmed by them. The projected image is reflected by others to the narcissist and, thus, he is reassured both of its existence and of the boundaries of his Ego. This continuous process blurs all distinctions between reality and fantasy.

A False Self leads to false assumptions and to a contorted personal narrative, a false worldview, and to a grandiose, inflated sense of being. The latter is rarely grounded in real achievements or merit. The narcissist’s feeling of entitlement is all-pervasive, demanding and aggressive. It easily deteriorates into open verbal, psychological and physical abuse of others.

Maintaining the distinction between what we really are and what we dream of becoming, knowing our limits, our advantages and faults and having a sense of true, realistic accomplishments in our life are of paramount importance in the establishment and maintenance of our self-esteem, sense of self-worth and self-confidence.

Reliant as he is on outside judgment – the narcissist feels miserably inferior and dependent. He rebels against this degrading state of things by partly escaping into a world of make-belief, daydreaming, pretensions and delusions of grandeur. The narcissist knows little about himself – and finds what he knows to be unacceptable.

Moreover, our experience of what it is like to be human – our very humanness – depends largely on our self-knowledge and on our experience of our selves. In other words: only through being himself and through experiencing his self – can a human being fully appreciate the humanness of others. 

 

The narcissist has precious little experience of his self. Instead, he lives in an invented world, of his own design, where he is a fictitious figure in a grandiose script. He, therefore, possesses no tools which enable him to cope with other human beings, share their emotions, put himself in their place (empathise) and, of course, engage in the most demanding task of inter-relating, love them.

The narcissist just does not know what it means to be human. He is a predator, rapaciously preying on others for the satisfaction of his narcissistic cravings and appetites for admiration, adoration, applause, affirmation and attention. Humans are Narcissistic Supply Sources and are (over- or de-) valued according to their contributions to this end.

Self-love is a precondition for the experience and expression of mature love. One cannot truly love someone else if one does not first love one’s True Self. If we never loved ourselves – we never experienced unconditional love and, therefore, do not know how to love.

If we keep living in a world of fantasy – how are we to notice the very real people around us who require our love and who deserve it? The narcissist wants to love. In the rare moments of self-awareness that he has he feels ego-dystonic (unhappy with his circumstances and with his relationships with others). This is his predicament: he is sentenced to eternal isolation precisely because he needs people so much.

These internal agonizing conflicts lead the narcissist to hate his tormenting self. As a form of self-punishment he then engages in self-destructive and self-defeating behaviors.

We can classify these behavior patterns according to their underlying motivation:

The Self-Punishing, Guilt-Purging Behaviours

These are intended to inflict punishment and to provide the punished party with a feeling of instant relief.

This is very reminiscent of a compulsive-ritualistic behavior. The narcissist harbors guilt. It could be an “ancient” guilt, a “sexual” guilt (Freud), or a “social” guilt. In his formative years, he internalized and introjected the voices of meaningful others that consistently and convincingly and from positions of authority informed him that he is no good, guilty, deserving of punishment or retaliation, and corrupt.

His life is thus transformed into an on-going trial. The constancy of this trial, this never adjourning tribunal IS the punishment. It is a Kafkaesque “trial”: meaningless, undecipherable, never-ending, leading to no verdict, subject to mysterious and fluid laws and presided over by capricious judges.

The Extracting Behaviors

People with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. Intimacy is formed not only within a couple, but also in the workplace, in a community, with friends, while collaborating on a project. Intimacy is another word for emotional involvement, which is the outcome of interacting with others in constant and predictable (safe) proximity.

PDs interpret intimacy as dependence, strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, death in installments. They are terrorized by it. The aforementioned self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundations of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. NPDs (narcissists), for instance, feel elated and relieved after they unshackle these “chains”. They feel that they broke a siege, that they are liberated, free at last.

The Default Behaviors

We are all afraid of new situations, new possibilities, new challenges, new circumstances and new demands. Being successful, getting married, becoming a mother, or someone’s boss – are often abrupt breaks with the past. Some self-defeating behaviors are intended to preserve the past, to restore it, to protect it from the winds of change, to inertially avoid opportunities.

Primitive Envy

Narcissists seek to avoid the pain of abandonment, or the death of loved ones. Moreover, narcissists are terrified even of their positive emotions lest they open the cesspool of their negative feelings. Thus, the narcissist always strives to destroy, or devalue the objects of his love. Narcissists experience this inner conflict as pathological and primitive envy (the wish to eliminate the desired object because it is also, potentially, a source of frustration and pain).

But what happens when the object of the narcissist’s affection and tenderness – emotions much derided by him – is the narcissist himself?

The narcissist then “envies” his self. He seeks to destroy and devalue his own self. He seeks to punish himself and to motivate others to punish him (“projective identification”).

It is just one of the paradoxes of this disorder, a veritable mirror hall, where nothing is what it seems to be. Love is reason for envy and destruction. Self-love leads to self-annihilation and self-defeat. Welcome to the narcissist’s topsy-turvy universe.

 

Also Read 

The Narcissist’s Reality Substitutes

The Narcissist’s Confabulated Life

Do Narcissists Have Emotions ?

Narcissists, Narcissistic Supply and Sources of Supply

We recommend:

 

Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abusive Relationships

 

Dedicated to Urygen Nam Chuk.

Loving Hansard – A Way Of Coping

While the psychological condition in hostage situations became known as “Stockholm Syndrome” due to the publicity – the emotional “bonding” with captors was a familiar story in psychology. It had been recognized many years before and was found in studies of other hostage, prisoner, or abusive situations such as:

* Abused Children

* Battered/Abused Women

* Prisoners of War

* Cult Members

* Incest Victims

* Criminal Hostage Situations

* Concentration Camp Prisoners

* Controlling/Intimidating Relationships

It’s important to note that these symptoms occur under tremendous emotional and often physical duress. The behavior is considered a common survival strategy.

In the final analysis, emotionally bonding with an abuser is actually a strategy for survival for victims of abuse and intimidation. The “Stockholm Syndrome” reaction in hostage and/or abuse situations is so well recognized at this time that police hostage negotiators no longer view it as unusual. In fact, it is often encouraged in crime situations as it improves the chances for survival of the hostages. On the down side, it also assures that the hostages experiencing “Stockholm Syndrome” will not be very cooperative during rescue or criminal prosecution. Local law enforcement personnel have long recognized this syndrome with battered women who fail to press charges, bail their battering husband/boyfriend out of jail, and even physically attack police officers when they arrive to rescue them from a violent assault.

Abused women assume that the abuser is a good man whose actions stem from problems that she can help him solve. Both feel fear, as well as love, compassion and empathy toward a captor who has shown them any kindness. Any acts of kindness by the captors will help ease the emotional distress they have created and will set the stage for emotional dependency of Counterproductive Victim Responses

Stockholm Syndrome (SS) can also be found in family, romantic, and interpersonal relationships. The abuser may be a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, father or mother, or any other role in which the abuser is in a position of control or authority.

It’s important to understand the components of Stockholm Syndrome as they relate to abusive and controlling relationships. Once the syndrome is understood, it’s easier to understand why victims support, love, and even defend their abusers and controllers.

Every syndrome has symptoms or behaviors and Stockholm Syndrome is no exception. While a clear-cut list has not been established due to varying opinions by researchers and experts, several of these features will be present:

* Positive feelings by the victim toward the abuser/controller

* Negative feelings by the victim toward family, friends, or authorities trying to rescue/support them or win their release

* Support of the abuser’s reasons and behaviors

* Positive feelings by the abuser toward the victim

* Supportive behaviors by the victim, at times helping the abuser

* Inability to engage in behaviors that may assist in their release or detachment

Now read the letter from one of Christopher Hansards victims who was never involved with him romantically, but was for all intents and purposes taken advantage of while in the delicate position of being a patient, then later a student apprentice.

date Thu, May 15, 2008 at 7:12 AM

Dear Christohper

At the request of the author the letter to Christopher Hansard written by one of his victims has been respectfully removed. Fear, was the cited reason for its removal.

this is the tip of the iceberg but it feels enough

today was the day to tell you

It has been found that four situations or conditions are present that serve as a foundation for the development of Stockholm Syndrome. These four situations can be found in hostage, severe abuse, and abusive relationships:

The presence of a perceived threat to one’s physical or psychological survival and the belief that the abuser would carry out the threat

The presence of a perceived small kindness from the abuser to the victim

Isolation from perspectives other than those of the abuser

The perceived inability to escape the situation

Taking the abuser’s perspective as a survival technique can become so intense that the victim actually develops anger toward those trying to help them. The abuser is already angry and resentful toward anyone who would provide the victim support, typically using multiple methods and manipulations to isolate the victim from others.

In severe cases of Stockholm Syndrome in relationships, the victim may have difficulty leaving the abuser and may actually feel the abusive situation is their fault. The abuser tells the victim she is the one at fault, which of course can be heard through out the above letter.  The victim was blamed for defamation, for harming her abuser as opposed to the other way around. The victim professes love for her abuser, but then seems to have moments of lucidity where she understands the reality of what occurred was abuse.

The above letter was written by a woman who was originally a patient of Christopher Hansard’s, she was then invited to become an apprentice and was expected to perform weekly massages in which she was molested over many years. The author was not a romantic partner. Christopher Hansard however legitimised these encounters that never left his office or treatment rooms by telling patients and students that the sexual acts they were partaking in were a form of “marriage” or “sacred union”.

~  “By marriage I mean the coming together of two people, not necessarily in formal union, but in mutual commitment. In the Bon tradition the act of sexual intercourse is in itself designated marriage.”

The Tibetan Art of Serenity by Christopher Hansard

WITNESS Against Abuse

Some former WITNESS clients are
starting a meeting for people abused by people in positions of trust.

I sincerely hope that some people may feel able to
come forward in a safe place and hear how others have been through similar things.

Meeting For Survivors
12th December 2008

Have you been abused by a person in a position of trust, such as a teacher, physician, therapist, spiritual teacher? Are you finding it difficult to cope or move on?

Then please join us for our first Survivors
Support Group at Witness 32 – 36 Loman Street, London SE1 0EH on 12th
December 2008 between 2pm to 5pm. Run by Survivors for Survivors.

For more information please email info@professionalboundaries.org.uk

‘While he was naked beneath a towel he got me to climb onto the table on top of him. He asked me whether I wanted his penis hard or soft. He then started to exert pressure on my back to push me down towards him, but my arms locked out on the table and I resisted his pressure. Finally I got off the table and sat down crying. He told me it was the trauma coming out in my system.’ – patient / student of Christopher Hansard

‘I went as a patient in a fragile state and he kept making comments about my bra while I was being treated.’ – recent patient of Christopher Hansard

Project Sapphire

Christopher Hansard – An Investigation

Letter to Christopher Hansard – Victim Impact

Education Forum

UK Skeptics Forum

Letter to Christopher Hansard

date Thu, May 15, 2008 at 7:12 AM

At the request of the author the letter to Christopher Hansard written by one of his victims has been respectfully removed. Fear and Personal Safety were the cited reasons for its removal.

this is the tip of the iceberg but it feels enough

today was the day to tell you

patient /apprentice /victim

Disclaimer: The above letter was written by a woman who was originally a patient of Christopher Hansard’s, she was then invited to become an apprentice and was expected to perform weekly massages in which she was molested over many years. The author was not a romantic partner. Such sexual exploits never left his treatment rooms, but somehow he convinced the many women that he was exploiting simultaneously in the same way that these sessions were for their benefit, part of a deep soul connection, tantric teachings and even ‘love’. Christopher Hansard legitimised these encounters that never left his office or treatment rooms by telling patients and students that the sexual acts they were partaking in were a form of “marriage” or “sacred union”. When victims spoke out about their experiences of abuse, they were ostracised, ridiculed, and rejected. No further teachings were offered, and eventually whether student or patient, they would be harshly dismissed, or removed from the clinic.

“By marriage I mean the coming together of two people, not necessarily in formal union, but in mutual commitment. In the Bon tradition the act of sexual intercourse is in itself designated marriage.”

- The Tibetan Art of Serenity by Christopher Hansard

In order to understand or fully comprehend how one can seemingly hold feelings of affection while at the same time harbouring hatred for their abuser, think of the child manipulated by the adult who offers them a treasure trove of candy and toys while at the same time exposing them to sexual exploitation or physical abuse. Please read more on the Stockholm Effect.

Destroying the Illusion, Breaking the Silence

 

DESTROYER OF ILLUSION: The Secret World of a Tibetan Lama

In the early 9^th century around the time of Shalimar, a man by the name of Lang Darma usurped the throne of Tibet by murdering his own brother. For 6 years Lang Darma murdered monks and burned monasteries to consolidate his power. His regime became a cancer that threatened the life of Tibet. One day a monk came to perform the Dance of the Black Hat Magicians at the tyrants court. The monk knew that Lang Darma’s tyranny must be checked, not just for Tibet, but for Lang Darma’s sake as well. In future lives Lan Dharma would suffer every pain he now afflicted upon others. At the height of the dance, the monk reached into his sleeve, took out a bow and arrow, and killed Lang Darma. To this day, Tibetans remember this as Lang Darma’s Salvation.

The monks name was Palgyi Dorjé. 

Exorcism of Demonic Ghosts

On the dark of the moon, a young Llama prepares for the exorcism of demonic ghosts. Demonic ghosts are forces that can invade monasteries and wreak havoc with religious rituals. Using an effigy, a paper image of a ghost in chains, the Llama calls upon the power of the 4 elements. Earth, Water, Fire and Air to suppress and subdue the ghosts.

Demonic ghosts are not ghosts in our sense of the word, Llamas believe that a demonic ghosts can be born when a monk breaks his vows. A demonic ghost then is like an emotion, with a life of it’s own, and exorcism is a kind of therapy.

Although in a certain sense demonic ghosts are merely run away emotions, the Llama must still treat them with compassion. Ghosts are prisoners of their own illusions. They live in a world of suspicion and fear. By destroying their illusions, the Llama can free the ghosts from a life of suffering.

 In the west we think of magic as the art of creating illusions. For Tibetans destroying illusions is the highest form of magic.

As they bury the effigy the monks chant these words “Down in the bottomless pit, lie the demonic ghosts, the forces that block our fulfillment, and lead us astray.”

                    - Excerpt from DESTROYER OF ILLUSION: The Secret World of a Tibetan Lama

 

 

BO and BON

Ancient Shamanic Traditions of Siberia and Tibet in Relation to the Teachings of a Central Asian Buddha

Extract : From the Introduction - Dubious legacy of the term ‘Shamanism’

These uncharted belief systems are often referred to as Shamanism, a word which nowadays covers a multitude of sins. For some, ‘Shamanism’ is defined as an ancient technique of ecstasy – i.e. all sorts of possession and mediumistic techniques; others apply it indiscriminately to a great variety of spiritual paths belonging to very different cultures all over the globe including those which make little or no use of possession techniques. On top of that we now have the so-called ‘New Age shamans’ who just believe in what they like, following a mixture of their own making with all but no idea about the choosing, obligations and work of a real shaman. In Siberian shamanic traditions, as in Bön and Buddhism, all techniques and teachings have their own precise source and are passed down through a line of authentic masters. Thus the principle of lineage is of great importance and has mechanisms safeguarding the purity of its transmission against external interference or corruption from within. It is precisely thanks to this principle of lineage that these traditions have come down to us today in good working order. Furthermore there is confusion between ‘Shamanism’ and ‘Paganism’, names which are often used interchangeably. In view of this I have tried to avoid the term wherever possible.

In fact, the word ‘shaman’ has a very precise meaning; it is a Russian corruption of the Tungus-Evenki word saman, an adjective used to designate the priest of their religion. Many scholars have tried to lend the Tungus word saman additional meanings such as ‘one who is excited, moved or raised’, ‘inner heat” or to trace it to other languages saying that it is derived from Chinese sha men, Pali samana or Sanskrit sramana, meaning ‘listener’ and used to designate a Buddhist monk or wandering Buddhist preacher. These suggestions find no support in Tungus language or culture, and the last one is obviously completely off the mark as Tungus shamans have nothing whatsoever to do with practices and teachings of Buddhism. To clarify all this confusion I contacted the Russian scholar and Doctor of Philology, the leading specialist in Tungus language and culture at the Institute of Linguistic Research, Russian Academy of Sciences,’ St. Petersburg, A.A. Burykin, who kindly sent me the following reply:

The word saman ‘shaman’ has only one meaning in the Tungus language group: it just means ‘shaman’, the priest. Some trace it to the verb sa-, ‘to know’ but this is highly unlikely because this verb has a long vowel while saman has a short one As for me, this Tungus word should be compared with the Nenets word sambana, a designation of one category of Nenets shamans. These sambana shamans shamanize to the Underworld in a similar way to the shamans of Tungus who, basically do mainly that.

At the beginning of the twentieth century, the absolute majority of western scholars who studied the native Siberian spiritual traditions insisted that the term ‘Shamanism’ should be applied only to the traditions of the peoples of North Asia and some small locations in Europe such as southern regions of Russia where Kalmyk Mongols settled. Scholars such as D. Klemenz, M.N. Hangalov, W. Radloff, R.Maack, L. von Shrenck, V. Bogoraz, V. Jochelson and many others unreservedly stood by the understanding that Shamanism as a religious and cultural phenomenon is limited to these territories and nations who traditionally inhabited them before the conquest of Siberia by the Russians. However, later researchers gradually departed from this clear definition and the term began losing its precise meaning and value. With the onset of the New Age movement, which makes an indigestible and confusing mixture of everything, this term came to be applied to any kind of traditional or questionable, to say the least, New Age psychic techniques regardless of whether they have anything to do with Native Siberian traditions or the methods of Siberian shamans or not, thereby rendering this term completely meaningless and unsuitable for use in serious research. Some teachers adhering to religions devoid of the figure of a shaman nevertheless try to re-invent themselves as ‘shamans’ and their teachings as ‘shamanic’ in order to better sell themselves and their beliefs to the audience. In fact, they only damage the tradition and further degrade the meaning of the word ‘shaman’.  

more…

 

“You Knew What I Was When You Picked Me Up”

By: Iron Eyes Cody, Reprinted from Guidepost, November 1989

On film in Hollywood I have played many American Indian roles…. the warrior, the medicine man, the chief wearing his double-tailed eagle headdress and smoking the peace pipe. And in a TV spot for the “Keep America Beautiful” Campaign, I was an Indian drifting alone in a canoe. As I saw how our waters were being polluted, a single tear ran down my cheek, telling the whole story. All three versions of my public service “tear” commercial are still playing after 17 years.

But now I have another story to tell, an old legend, with a warning as potent as that tear.

Many years ago, Indian youths would go away in solitude to prepare for manhood. One such youth hiked into a beautiful valley, green with trees, bright with flowers. There he fasted. But on the third day as he looked up at the surrounding mountains, he noticed one tall rugged peak, capped with dazzling snow.

I will test myself against that mountain, he thought. He put on his buffalo shirt, threw his blanket over his shoulders, and set off to climb the peak. When he reached the top he stood on the rim of the world. He could see forever, and his heart swelled with pride. Then he heard a rustle at his feet, and looking down, he saw a snake. Before he could move, the snake spoke. “I am about to die,” said the snake. “It is too cold for me up here and I am freezing. There is no food and I am starving. Put me under your shirt and take me down to the valley.”

“No,” said the youth. “I am forewarned. I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. If I pick you up you will bite, and your bite will kill me.” “Not so,” said the snake. “I will treat you differently. If you do this for me you will be special. I will not harm you.”

The youth resisted for a while, but this was a very persuasive snake with beautiful markings. At last the youth tucked it into his shirt and carried it down to the valley. There he laid it gently on the grass, where suddenly the snake coiled, rattled and leapt, biting him on the leg.

“But you promised……” cried the youth.

“You knew what I was when you picked me up,” said the snake as it slithered away.

 

Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do for someone who has harmed you, is expose their illusion and get them help.   Sometimes they are not only destructive to themselves, but are deeply and possibly more so destructive to others.   And sometimes those we know or have known cannot seem to deny or overcome their own nature, or illness without this sort of compassion.

Project Sapphire - westminster@met.police.uk

Among the Cinders of the Dür Bön Con

Abusive mentors rarely announce their intentions. They may say that they want to help you reach the highest spiritual experiences. They may say that they want to help you avoid future suffering. They may claim to help you by making decisions for you.

Mentor Abuse & Toxic Mentorship

Spiritual abuse occurs when people consider themselves to be authorities and attempt to control or manipulate you, often using abstract words to advance their own agendas. Spiritual abuse may confuse your commitment to personal integrity with some philosophy, religious dogma or political agenda.

The result? You become dependent or compliant. You believe and do things that you would previously avoid. You may feel anxious if you do not follow orders. You may feel depressed that you alienate your family or friends. You may feel anger towards people who disagree … all signs of cult-like behavior.

Later, you may not trust any authority. You may become unable to discern who supports your integrity, and who does not. You may dismiss all potential mentors as charlatans; all therapists as con-artists; all trainers as crooks. You may feel victimized and angry.

Authority Abuse & Relationship Bonds

Children defer to their parents’ authority. Students defer to the authority of their teachers. Employees defer to their managers. Devotees worship their gurus. Relationship bonds can affect all of life.

Many people may try to control your disposable income, your vote or your behavior. Some want your respect, or your recognition that they have power over your life. Some people want your love or devotion.

If you try to make people do things – people who are not your children, students or employees – you are trying to become an authority in their lives. If you obsess about controlling people, you may depend on those people to depend on you (see codependence). If, with whatever good intentions, you try to replace their parents, teachers or employers … perhaps you want to be seen as some sort of guru.

You risk becoming dependent on the dependence of others. You may become codependent with people who cling to your dependence on them. If you are successful, you can witness a cult forming … a cult of you. (Many people diagnosed as psychotic start cults with only one member …)

Obsessions, Compliance & Spiritual Abuse

While you may not consider yourself to be a cult-leader or a cult follower – many other intelligent, caring people get caught in these nets. All you need do is accept someone’s ideas as revealed truth without checking the consequences of your compliance.

Obsessions, Compliance & Spiritual Abuse

Please contact Project Sapphire today whether you feel you have been abused yourself, were witness to the abuse and harm done by Christopher Hansard, or if you have any information at all in regards to the time before he created the story that continues to allow him to harm others. 

Christopher Hansard is not unintelligent. It is not a dull person who manages to get such a story passed a book agent, a publisher, and various media personalities. It is not a person who lacks charisma and certain charms that over the course of time manages to convince a woman in his treatment room to touch him, meditate and join their breath with his, and satiate his sexual desires in the hopes of getting well, getting better, being healthy, being happy. It may sound preposterous to those simply reading, but then you have not met the man have you? As for those who were  his victims, it is obvious now that he read the same sites as you when looking for a qualified therapist, he did his research, he memorised what to say, how to present himself, how to act. His clients are not unintelligent either, and when they asked questions he could provide them with all the right answers, with what they wanted to hear. Christopher Hansard even went as far as to suggest that his teachings or care would  help “you to help yourself on the way to initiating healing in your life.” seemingly discouraging dependency. Christopher Hansard is an actor, he has read all the same articles, has had the luxury of more time to do more research than you, and he remembers his lines. Christopher Hansard’s world really is a stage. 

www.danielshawlcsw.com    A long and excellent article describing the precise nature of traumatic abuse in cult settings.

    The following article by psychoanalyst Stanley Rosenman describes in greater detail how this injection of false self can take place. Rosenman discusses situations in which persons are assaulted. He does not however, examine the implications of how a subject’s boundaries can be skillfully disrupted through a process of grooming, gradual seduction (as in the romance phase of what will later become a battering relationship) or the sort of cultic seduction termed love bombing, in some cases supplemented by use of trance, meditation, excersices–or by introduction or referral by a trusted friend…

    Rosenman briefly mentioned something worth our further attention–that perpetrators often con their traumatized victims into parenting them—often a powerful and violent perpetrator may confuse us by suddenly turning pitiful and pathetic—inviting the confused powerless victim to get a false sense of empowerment by reassuring and nuturing the wounded child within the perpetrator.

    It is interesting how very often survivors of abusive persons report how their abusers alternate between contempt and then sudden bouts of self pity–which confuses their battered victims…and often lead the victims to stay longer in the relationship than they otherwise would have.

Coercive Persuasion and Undue Influence – Rick Ross Cult Education Forum Index. 

Common Client Abuse

If you seek help, you may be in crisis or shock. You may feel childish. You may be vulnerable to criticism and emotional abuse. The following abuses were reported during coaching, counseling and therapeutic relationships. An incompetent or abusive therapist, counsellor or coach may:

   1. Undervalue, criticize or mock you

   2. Forget or be late for your appointments

   3. Exaggerate or misdiagnose your problems

   4. Repeatedly re-schedule your appointments

   5. Refuse to answer your reasonable questions

   6. Be preoccupied or daydream during your sessions

   7. Refuse to consider your perceptions or point of view

   8. Claim that you are overreacting

   9. Withhold important information from you

  10. Label your communication as bad or wrong

  11. Express mood changes and / or emotional outbursts

  12. Refuse to discuss topics which you want to discuss

  13. Claim that you cause the therapist to act inappropriately

  14. Talk endlessly about the therapist’s beliefs and opinions

  15. Use your sessions to help themselves

  16. Extend your sessions without benefit to you

  17. Arrange to meet you for a non-therapeutic purpose

  18. Tell you that you do not deserve love, care or support

  19. Invite you to participate in emotional or physical intimacy

  20. Later deny or justify emotional or sexual intimacy with you

  21. Threaten to end your sessions unless you comply with a demand

  22. Talk about his or her own problems

  23. Increase your dependence on him or her

  24. Write emails or text messages as you talk

  25. Act pompous, condescending or officious

  26. Give you harmful post-hypnotic suggestions

  27. Advise you to change your sexual orientation

  28. Continually defer solutions to “the next session”

  29. Ask you for help with promotion and advertising

  30. Cause you to distrust other helping professionals

 

Among The Cinders

An unEthical Experiment

In an effort to present the public with a clearer view of what a visit to your complementary or alternative practitioner should look like as opposed to what many found when in the ‘care’ of Christopher Hansard, The Courant has gathered a number of excerpts and put together an abridged Code of Ethics from various Complementary & Alternative Medicine and Healthcare sites. The below list was compiled of those examples that many sites and regulatory bodies determined to be the most important. They have also been listed as they pertain specifically to the practices of “Dr. Christopher Hansard – Master Physician of Tibetan Dur Bon Medicine”. The majority of Ethics Codes are developed by a community of responsible practitioners, regulatory bodies and insurance companies. Please see below example:

Code of Practice & Disciplinary and Complaints Procedures

Code of Practice

1. Members shall have respect for the religious, spiritual, political and social views of any individual irrespective of race, colour, creed, sexual orientation or gender.

2. Members shall at all times conduct themselves in an honourable and courteous manner and with due diligence in their relations with their clients and the public. They should seek a good relationship and shall work in a co-operative manner with other healthcare professionals and recognise and respect their particular contribution within the healthcare team, irrespective of whether they perform from an allopathic or alternative/complementary base.

3. The relationship between a member and her/his client is that of a professional with a client. The client places trust in a member’s care, skill and integrity and it is the member’s duty to act with due diligence at all times and not to abuse this trust in any way.

4. Proper moral conduct must always be paramount in members’ relations with clients. They must behave with courtesy, respect, dignity, discretion and tact. Their attitude must be competent and sympathetic, hopeful and positive, thus encouraging an uplift in the client’s mental outlook and belief in a progression towards good health practices.

“…the thing with the massage situation was: once the massage was over, it was as if christopher
didnt know me, and that always left me feeling sort of used. it WAS very confusing emotionally and pretty sick.  …i did  try and broach my concerns but he was so dominant and i didnt have the courage.
he used to say “youve done nothing wrong” and “this is about energy”           – former student/patient

“…i met him in his office for a period of about 4 years and gave him a massage which at the time
believed was part of my training as a “healer”. there was a sexual aspect involved but it left me in a lot of conflicts as his intentions were very unclear”           – former student/patient
*Christopher Hansard’s students were harvested primarily from his client base.

5. In furtherance of 4. above, members must not enter into a sexual relationship of any kind with a client and must be diligent in guarding against any act, suggestion or statement that may be interpreted, mistakenly or otherwise, as having a sexual implication.

6. Therapists may only make home visits to clients subject to there being a friend, relative or independent witness on the premises at all times.

7. Members must never claim to ‘cure’. The possible therapeutic benefits may be described; ‘recovery’ must never be guaranteed.

8. Members should ensure that they themselves are medically, physically and psychologically fit to practise.

It has only been with the endorsement of an equally irresponsible therapist that Christopher Hansard has been allowed to continue. A therapist who was made well aware of his continued breach of boundaries but continues to uphold him as their guru having been a former client themselves and therefore continues to dismiss the seriousness of the situation and deny any wrong doing. Perfering instead to blame his former students and clients.

9. Discretion must be used for the protection of the member when carrying out private treatment with clients who are mentally unstable, addicted to drugs or alcohol, or severely depressed, suicidal or hallucinated. Such clients must be treated only by a member with relevant competency. A member must not treat a client in any case which exceeds her/his capacity, training and competence.Where appropriate, the member must seek referral to a more qualified person.

10. Registered medical practitioners and members of other health care professions remain subject to the general ethical codes and disciplinary procedures of their respective professions.

11. The aim of xxxx membership is to offer a service to clients as well as a service and therapeutic modalities to, and with, the medical profession. Members must recognise that where a client is delegated to them by a registered medical practitioner, that person remains clinically accountable for their patient and for the care offered by the member.

12. Members must guard against the danger that a client without previously consulting a doctor may come for therapy for a known disorder and subsequently be found, too late, to be suffering from another serious disorder. To this end new patients/clients must be asked what medical advice they have received. If they have not seen a doctor, they must be advised to do so. Since it is legal to refuse medical treatment, no client can be forced to consult a doctor. The advice must be recorded for the member’s protection. It is not a breach of ethics to treat a client who gives informed consent to receive a therapy.

13. Members must not countermand instructions or prescriptions given by a doctor.

14. Members must not advise a particular course of medical treatment, such as to undergo an operation or to take specific drugs. It must be left to the client to make her/his own decision in the light of medical advice.

15. Members must not use titles or descriptions to give the impression of medical or other qualifications unless they possess them and must make it clear to their clients that they are not medical doctors and do not purport to have their knowledge or skills.

Christopher Hansard at one time held quite a number of credit cards that held the designation “Dr. Christopher Hansard”. A number of receipts and emails where he is presenting himself as a Doctor exist, but will not be published. He did make verbal claims that he was held in the same regard and that his training offered him many of the same privilages such as being able to perform house calls, assist births, and had an emergency light that he could put atop his automobile.

16. Members must not attend women in childbirth or treat them for ten days thereafter unless they hold an appropriate qualification approved by xxxx. This does not preclude treatment given with the permission of the client’s midwife, doctor or medical team.

17. Members must not treat any venereal disease as defined in the 1917 Act.

18. Members must not use manipulation or vigorous massage unless they possess an appropriate professional qualification.

19. Members must not prescribe or administer remedies, herbs, supplements, essential oils or other products unless their training and qualifications entitle them to do so.

Since much of his training and all of his claims are up for debate the above conventions would exclude “Dr. Christopher Hansard” from performing any of these procedures.

20. Advertising must be dignified in tone and shall not contain named testimonials or claim to cure any disease etc. It shall be confined to drawing attention to the therapy available, the qualifications of the member and offer a general service together with necessary details.

Christopher Hansard’s claims continue to be advertised in his 3 publications.

21. Members will display their current certificate of professional indemnity insurance in their normal place of work. Members working in several locations and/or offering visiting services will have available at all times a copy of their current professional indemnity insurance certificate.

Whether or not Christopher Hansard is currently insured is also under question.

22. Before treatment members must explain fully either in writing or verbally all the procedures involved in the treatment including such matters as questionnaires, likely content and length of consultation, number of consultations, fees etc. Where a client has an existing medical condition members must ensure that they have the client’s informed consent in writing to perform the treatment or that of the client’s medical practitioner.

23. Members must act with consideration concerning fees and justification for treatment. Members should not be judgmental and they should recognise the client’s right to refuse treatment or ignore advice. It is the client’s prerogative to make their own choices with regard to their health, lifestyle and finances.

“I also felt  that the way you have showed me leads to no where..”

“What am I searching after?
What is the end stage for this process?
What shall I learn?”

There are other emails from the same client explaining that initially their treatment was intended to be much less frequent and not as long, but each time the client is convinced that they are in need of more treatment.

24. Members must ensure they keep clear and comprehensive records of their treatments including the dates, advice given and all consent forms. This is especially important for the defence of any negligence actions for at least 7 years, as well as for efficient and careful practice.

Chrsitopher Hansard’s practice facility in Victoria is currently carpeted through out, therefore acupuncture needles were frequently found protruding out from the carpet fibres as and where they fell. Unlike at his practice in Chelsea where bylaws clearly stated that he needed special flooring in order to practice such procedures, either Westminster does not uphold the same high standards or the council would seem rather remiss in enforcing such laws in the interests of public safety. Another bylaw was that he had to have a sink in each of his 3 treatment rooms, which he does not, nor is he known to wash his hands between patients, even after handling acupuncture needles which penetrate the clients flesh. Another item of considerable concern are the curtains currently hanging from ceiling to floor have never been treated for fire, and as Christopher is known to burn incense for ‘atmosphere’, this would pose a very serious fire hazard.

25. In determining whether or not any record of the nature of any treatment administered is reasonable, it shall be for the member compiling the record to show that on the basis of her/his notes he/she can demonstrate what treatment was undertaken and whether that treatment was competently and reasonably undertaken and that the client consented to the treatment.

Christopher Hansard does not keep any patient or client records, with the exception of gathering their contact details, no other records can be found upon his premises, nor are they kept at his private resisdence. Though he often tells clients he keeps record, and with the reputation of his myth provided by advertising and media, they seem to take for granted that he simply remembers. Sadly memory alone would not be enough to hold up in a negligence case against any practitioner.

26. Confidentiality. Members, their assistants and receptionists have an implicit duty to keep attendances, all information, records and views formed about clients entirely confidential. No disclosure may be made to any third party, including any member of the client’s own family, without the client’s consent unless it is required by due process of the law, whether that be by Statute, Statutory instrument, order of any court of competent jurisdiction or howsoever otherwise.

27. Members must ensure that they comply with the Data Protection Act.

A little known fact is that Christopher Hansard claims to have had his laptop computer stolen this summer (2008). Although he does not keep client records, he does store email correspondences. These are not kept on a server, they are downloaded directly on to his computer. Clients may also be alarmed to find out that their credit card receipts are thrown haphazardly into the top drawer of his desk, and remain there, unorganised, unfiled, unprotected, sometimes for days on end, until Christopher sends them to an accountant.

28. No third party, including assistants and members of the client’s family, may be present during the course of a consultation with an adult without the client’s express consent, which should be recorded.

29. All members must be adequately insured to practise. The insurance policy must state provision for public liability and indemnity as well as the provision for professional treatments.

30. All members shall ensure that their working conditions are suitable for the practice of their therapy.

31. Members will follow and abide by decisions made under the disciplinary, complaints and appeals procedures appended to this Code.

And when Christopher Hansard found out that one former patient had begun to share the sordid tale of her own experience of abuse to others;

“he sent me some really vicious emails , acused me in one very vioent phone call of defaming him..”           – former client/student

“I should have followd my gut from day one, when he jumped down my throat about there being nothing wrong with an older man and a younger woman, I knew then he was a lech, I should have walked away, but i was so desparate for someone to help me stop feelng so much ;pain and his book said he was some genius, it seemed such a wonderful story, plus the press were in love with him, there were celebrities going to him and the clinic was always busy. the rr site may be hysterical but it provides an important service. bcse if there had been something out there for all the times i tried to get some info on him, i would have stopped so long ago”            – client / victim of exploitation

Disciplinary and complaints procedures

The Disciplinary and complaints procedures included some of the following:

1. On receipt of the reply by the member who is the subject of the complaint, the Chairperson of the Disciplinary Committee in consultation with one or more relevantly qualified members of the committee will determine if there is a case to be answered. If the circumstances are of a nature that could be covered by Embody’s insurance policy the member will be advised to make immediate contact with the insurance company’s claims department for advice and the Committee will take no action until the insurance company has concluded it’s interest in the case. Regardless of the outcome Embody may still take disciplinary action against the member if in Embody’s opinion the member has conducted her/him self in any way against the Code of Practice. Such disciplinary action will follow the procedures herein set out.

2. Criminal proceedings. In the event that in the opinion of the Chairperson of the Disciplinary Committee in consultation with at least one member of the committee the matter complained of is in the nature of a criminal act or omission the complainant will be advised to contact her/his local police authority and the member will be so informed. If the police or the Crown Prosecution Service (or other similar statuary organisation overseas) have laid actual criminal charges against a member, Embody will forthwith suspend the member from the Register and membership pending the outcome. Regardless of the outcome Embody may still take disciplinary action against the member if in Embody’s opinion the therapist has conducted her/him self in any way against the Code of Practice. Such disciplinary action will follow the procedures herein set out.

3. The Disciplinary Committee may call/consult with witnesses, who may include the person making the complaint and/or the member who is the subject of the complaint. Additionally the person bringing the complaint and the member who is the subject of the complaint, have the right to provide a full written explanation of all the circumstances. In cases deemed by the Chairperson of the Disciplinary Committee to be of a particularly serious nature the complainant and the member may be invited to give personal evidence if they wish to do so and each may be accompanied by a friend or adviser. All costs of attending any such meeting(s) shall fall to the parties.

4. Members in breach of the Code of Practice are liable to expulsion or such lesser action as considered appropriate by the Disciplinary Committee in the general form of suspension from practice of any or all treatments, requirement for additional training or other similar process. Serious sexual abuse of a patient/client will result in automatic expulsion.

Sadly, not everyone follows a Code of Ethics and although some practitioners present themselves as being on par with Medical Doctors, they are not bound by the same rules. Cereal sexual exploitation of clients seeking help from those currently practicing Complementary and Alternative Medicine does not appear to be against the law, coercion may be difficult to prove, but not impossible. Those that already responsibly abide by these rules and indeed their own conscience need not lose faith in the integrity of their craft. However, for those that are seemingly without such a conscience, who carry on abuses in their treatment rooms despite challenge, who continue to break boundaries despite bad publicity, and who hide behind those that facilitate illness despite the many offers of sincere help, the time for imposed regulation and changes in the law is or should be nigh. Those turning to you for help who have been abused deserve nothing less.

Although Christopher Hansard holds himself up as a spiritual teacher and master, although he presents himself as a Doctor or Physician, those clients that have experienced abuse and sexual or financial exploitation have no where to go, no one to turn to. He will not be barred, he can not be suspended, he appears not to be the subject of investigation, despite that what has been presented here, has been sent to the appropriate authorities with much more information accompanying. And so, Christopher Hansard continues to coerce his clients in to sexual favours and acts, he continues to delve in to relations unabated, he is neither answerable nor expected to adhere to any environmental or health and safety bylaws or codes at his place of practice. He will suffer no fines, he is in need of no credentials or training, and despite the continuing fictional adventures of Christopher Hansard and Urygen Nam Chuk followed by thousands of readers in his 3 books, he will continue to enjoy future royalties, future media spotlights, and in all likelihood, he will continue to enjoy future clients.

Cochran Out

The Communication of Deviance – Hard Candy

In our quest for answers as to how what happened to many of us while in the care of Christopher Hansard occurred and moreover how it is allowed to continue, The Courant endevours to present similar stories, petitions for his victims, and offer supportive links and articles daily. Although the excerpt below focuses mainly on child abuse, Christopher Hansard employs the very same techniques, from touching his patients, to having them touch him under the guise of ‘treatment’. Having his students regularly massage him which would then lead to him indulging himself and preying on their vulnerability as students and he as their “Master”.

Researchers reveal communication tactics used by sexual predators

…innocence and vulnerability presents a target for a sexual predator’s abusive behavior. University of Missouri researchers are beginning to understand the communication process by which predators lure victims into a web of entrapment

According to the researchers, in order for the process of entrapment to take place, the perpetrator must first gain access to the potential victim through various exploitive means. Olson and her team identified several communicative elements in the cycle of entrapment, including the core phenomenon of “deceptive trust development.” Deceptive trust development describes the predator’s ability to build a trusting relationship with the victim in order to improve the likelihood of sexual encounter.

Deceptive trust development is central to other manipulative strategies used by the predator such as grooming. Grooming sets the stage for abuse by desensitizing the victim to sexual contact.

Grooming may include activities such as sitting on the treatment couch with his clients, watching them undress; “accidentally” touching the client inappropriately; discussing the clients sex life when they have come in for a neck injury; and making contact or sex play with implicit sexual suggestions.

As perpetrators are grooming their victims and building deceptive trust, they also work to isolate them both physically and emotionally from their support network.

Isolation strategies may include lewd sexual comments and innuendos. Christopher Hansard often made sexual propositions and when they were not reciprocated he would offer it was just in jest, but would make the same proposal again on the next visit. He often isolated his students and clients by telling them they were his favourites and that they were ‘different’ and shared something ’special’. He has been known to make ‘house calls’ or offer the client or student a ride home, certainly a bone of contention as this was the excuse he used to hold onto his Bentley Turbo R during his bankruptcy. Christopher Hansard was often heard telling clients of his deep care for them, reassuring them that their failure to see results was all part of the process, or that they were resisting the therapy, telling them they needed to be more patient. Other strategies include taking advantage of fragile family and friend relationships. Isolation causes the victim to become more and more dependent on the perpetrator.

A third strategy is approach, which is the initial physical contact or verbal lead-ins that occur just prior to the sexual act.

Examples of the approach strategies used by Christopher Hansard include suggestions of guided meditations which involved the patient putting their hands on him, whether the patient was coming in for treatment of joint pain or a simple ear ache, the treatments always deteriorated until clients found themselves discussing intimate details of their sex life. More explicit discussions about sexual issues would be broached in future sessions, massages were offered as a course of treatment, directly followed by one to one sessions with the Master, whispering what he would refer to as Mantras in the patients ear and caressing or undressing them in the treatment room while in this deeply meditative state. Christopher Hansard would also instigate  wrestling and other physical “Martial Arts” activities as a means to escalate sexual physical contact, though this seemed to be reserved solely to his students or apprentices.

Olson, and her co-authors analyzed existing published material on pedophilia and child sexual abuse and proposed their theory that explains the communication process used by child sexual predators. Their theory of luring communication is part of a new area of study which Olson calls “the communication of deviance.”

According to the study, the theory of luring communication also may offer important insight into social, deviant and communicative problems plaguing society, such as how con-artists lure victims and the recruitment strategies of gang or cult members.

Source: University of Missouri-Columbia

Project Sapphire is here to help!

Thank you for your continuing support

You Are Not Alone

A life circumstance can arise where we find ourselves vulnerable and dependent on someone else to help us, to guide us, to be strong for us in our weakness.  In these circumstances, society tells us to place our trust in various professionals to assist us.  We turn to a counselor, therapist, or minister to help us through a problem or crisis.  We seek help from a doctor or nurse about a serious medical condition.  If we are a victim of a crime or find ourselves thrust into a legal situation we don’t know how to deal with, we trust and need law enforcement officers and lawyers to help us.

Please contact Project Sapphire and add your statement to others calling for an investigation into the abuses of Christopher Hansard.

Contact Us

To contact your local Sapphire Unit, please click on Borough Sapphire Teams

You can also contact the Project Sapphire Team central office at:

Project Sapphire
Territorial Policing Headquarters
Victoria Embankment
London
SW1A 2JL
Tel: 0207 321 7104
Fax: 020 7321 9004

Though it is not currently against the law for a complementary practitioner to bed his patients if it is consensual by BOTH parties, it is very much against the law to use a false identity, credential, and coercion to do so.

Those currently supporting and endorsing Christopher have been made aware of the continuing abuses and yet continue to do so.

Christopher Hansard: A Betrayal of Trust & Broken Boundaries

• No matter what you call it Christopher Hansard… it’s Exploitation
  

Statistics from the Abuse in Therapy (AIT) Support Network in the U.K.

by Veronica Currie (VECurrie@aol.com)

The region covered in this report includes Scotland, England and Wales.

Between 1991 and 1998, Abuse in Therapy Support Network provided information, support and advocacy for 137 clients who had been abused by ‘trusted professionals.’ Of the 137 clients, 68 clients felt unable/unwilling to pursue a formal complaint against their abuser whilst 69 clients pursued formal complaints.

Of the 69 clients who pursued formal complaints, the breakdown is as follows:

Complaints against doctors and psychiatrists – 27

The regulatory body for UK doctors and psychiatrists is the General Medical Council (GMC). It is a statutory body, receiving its powers from government. The GMC states that its purpose is summed up in the phrase “protecting patients, guiding doctors”. The GMC is self policing. It has a Disciplinary Council of 104 members – 54 doctors elected by doctors on the register, 25 members of the public nominated by Privy Council and 25 doctors appointed by universities and royal colleges. The Disciplinary Council meets three times a year to consider complaints and other matters.

Of the 27 formal complaints submitted to the GMC, the breakdown is as follows:

21 complaints were dealt with internally by the GMC with the complainants being told no further action was required. 4 formal complaints reached a full, disciplinary hearing.

Of the 4 which reached a full hearing, the breakdown is as follows:

2 doctors were struck off for one year with 1 being reinstated after that time. 1 doctor was allowed to continue in practice with sanctions and supervision. 1 doctor was found not guilty – a disgraceful miscarriage of justice.

There are currently 2 formal complaints against doctors ongoing.

Complaints against nurses and community
psychiatric nurses – 3

The UKCC is the statutory regulatory body for nursing, midwifery and health visiting in the United Kingdom. Its purpose is to protect the public through establishing and monitoring professional standards.

There were 3 formal complaints submitted to the UKCC and the breakdown is as follows:

2 community psychiatric nurses were struck off. 1 community psychiatric nurse had sanctions imposed and is still employed in the same place of work.

Complaints against counsellors – 14

The British Association for Counselling (BAC) is a voluntary regulatory body for counsellors and counselling organisations in the UK. The BAC publishes a very clear Code of Ethics and Complaints Procedure which it readily sends out to all complainants.

There were 14 formal complaints submitted to the BAC and the breakdown is as follows:

3 complaints failed to reach a full disciplinary hearing. 11 complaints reached a full disciplinary hearing. All 11 counsellors or counselling organisations were found to be in breach of the BAC Code of Ethics and all had sanctions imposed.

Complaints against psychotherapists – 4

One of the voluntary registration bodies for psychotherapists in the UK is the UKCP. The UKCP works by registering training organisations and trainees and it requires that training organisations have formal codes of ethics and practice.

There were 4 formal complaints to the UKCP of which the breakdown is as follows:

3 formal complaints were not upheld and did not reach a full disciplinary hearing. 1 psychotherapist was found to be in breach and had sanctions imposed.

Complaints against alternative therapists
and other professionals – 21

In the UK, it is possible to set up in business as a therapist without having any specialist skills or qualifications and without belonging to a governing body. Some of the smaller therapeutic organisations have a code of ethics whilst others do not. When presented with a formal complaint, some of the smaller organisations will not hand over their code of ethics, making formal complaints almost impossible.

Of the 21 formal complaints against alternative therapists and other helping professionals, the breakdown is as follows:

2 therapists received jail sentences ( 1 hypnotherapist and 1 chiropractor) 8 formal complaints resulted in therapists having no action taken against them 9 therapists had sanctions imposed 2 formal complaints are ongoing

The level of success of formal complaints was largely due to the courage of the complainants coupled with the dedication of a small handful of voluntary workers.

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Perhaps the saddest part of this tale is that Christopher Hansard is currently being supported and endorsed by a number of therapists in the Complementary and Alternative fields, but even more alarming are those in the psychotherapy fields which some consider more credible and orthodox. Practitioners that are regulated and do adhere to a code of ethics. It is curious how many people have been affected adversely by this one man through out the years, the amount of effort that has reportedly been invested in protecting the public and preventing abuses from happening again, the many attempts to expose him, or bring Christopher Hansard finally to justice, and equally how many times that effort has been thwarted by the silence of the very practitioners and organisations that his victims turn to for healing and help. Meanwhile the abuses continue and escalate, the Master of Dur Bon Medicine grows increasingly bold, and more confident in the absence of consequences.

This has gone on far too long already…